I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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