Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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