Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
