We named our party play list daddy issues
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
