The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
