I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
