i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
