It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
