I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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