I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
