K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
