i think my tv is drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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