Just fell off a train. Bad.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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