so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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