Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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