you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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