I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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