Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
