why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
