last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
