thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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