Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
