my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
