My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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