He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
