If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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