Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
