i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
