There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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