I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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