I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
