people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
