How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
