I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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