Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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