believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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