I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
