Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
