I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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