id be glad to
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
