Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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