shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
