I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
