The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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