bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
