i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
