i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
