Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
