turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
