Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
