I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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